Getting Out of Your Own Way
I’ve been working on this freelance design project for weeks, and just as I got to the final stretch where everything was looking perfect, I suddenly spent three days straight watching random documentaries and cleaning my kitchen instead of finishing the last two hours of work. It is so incredibly frustrating because I know exactly what I need to do, but it feels like there is this invisible wall in my brain that just won't let me cross the finish line. I keep doing this right when things are about to go well, and it makes me feel like I’m my own worst enemy, constantly tripping myself up just as I’m about to succeed.
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It’s wild how our brains try to "protect" us from success because it feels like a new, scary territory that we aren't familiar with yet. I used to do the exact same thing whenever I was up for a promotion or a big life change; I’d suddenly start picking fights with people or "forgetting" important emails just to stay in my comfort zone, even if that zone was actually making me miserable. I’ve realized that this behavior usually kicks in the second things start feeling too real or too high-stakes, as if failing on our own terms is somehow safer than trying our best and potentially falling short. To get a handle on this, I started paying attention to that specific physical tension I get in my chest right before I decide to procrastinate, which is a total giveaway that I'm trying to bail on myself. I’ve been reading some really insightful stuff about this lately, and I’ve been keeping https://medium.com/@maya.donavan/self-sabotage-spotting-the-moment-you-go-against-yourself-and-why-46a82c1ec208 bookmarked because it helps me identify that exact moment I start working against my own interests.